Little clip of Alex and I singing in Camden
I used to have all these beliefs around singing... "That People will think... that I think... that I'm really great..."if I sing.... and I felt I didn't want to put myself out there to be judged! But I realised... what does it matter what anyone thinks if it feels right and good and honest and connects me... If my heart sings when I sing I'm not going to suppress that... It's just a belief... It doesn't make it real... It's just a thought...
When I first got to India I was so depressed the Ayurvedic dr I collapsed in front of prescribed singing along with (many) other things... That along with my friend Alex encouraging me I was able to find the little squeak of a voice inside. I would sit around campfires on the beach and just jam with beautiful people making music and sing whatever came to my head, about the trees, clouds stars, connections, whatever... It was out there I realised the voice... and Music, is a gift to uplift people, change the vibration... Whereas before I linked singing to a job, success, money, famous people... There was nothing in that belief that liberated me. Then once I accepted this... a shift happened within me...
Singing opens my heart and throat chakra and connects me to creativity and expression.
Growing up I trained as a classical singer and then went onto attend The London School Of Musical Theatre. I loved singing but just went into shutdown with lack of self love and confidence to express my self, I never really sang after that apart from one acting job I did for this big pharmaceutical company where I played a girl who had bipolar and was cured by this drug... She couldn't perform her songs she had written... The short film showed how she found her balance through medication (eeeeek!) and then after it had been played I had to come out onstage and perform this song to huge auditorium... Of course morally it was wrong but I wasn't living my truth then... I was blinded by the fact I was paid a ridiculous amount of money, flown out to Niece and got my ego stroked! I didn't realise the dichotomy
I was putting my soul through.
So apart from that one job I struggled with my throat chakra for years with being able to speak my mind in social situations and being in relationships that stunted my ability to speak, I was the mouse in the corner in social groups.
I recently found my voice again after shutting it out... Finding the truth... Speaking it, singing it... and the opening effect it had on my life has been incredible.
Just SING! :)
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